How to use EFT for Self-Kindness (Article)

By Dr. Patricia Carrington

One of the things I love to do is read what others are writing about EFT — or listen to audios or see videos where others present new ideas on how to use EFT. I often then build on these ideas to create new EFT choices statements or Tap Alongs using them. It's like hunting for buried treasure and finding it!

One of my favorite teleseminars that I have created is called



In it I lead listeners in thanking themselves for every tiny

Express Healing Gratitude for Yourself

Express Healing Gratitude for Yourself

thing they did have done for themselves during the previous 20 minutes – everything. This becomes an exciting and productive exercise.


Today, when browsing Gene Monterrastelli’s site, an article caught my attention that seemed directly related to my favorite self gratitude teleseminar. It was entitled "Strategic Self Kindness" and was written by a success coach named Janet Hilts whom I had never heard of before, which was all the better since discovering new people with good ideas is one of my enthusiasms.

Interestingly, Janet started out by telling us why being gentle with oneself is one of the most productive things we can do. Here is my interpretation of what she presented, elaborated and slightly altered:

1. It saves much time and energy to be kind to yourself because if you're not doing that you lose momentum every time something goes wrong, or something doesn't go the way you want it to. When this happens, much time is lost in erasing the rage and regrets which pull you off track and you are often unable to pursue more useful activities.

2. Harsh self-criticism ties up your mind as it grabs center stage. You now focus on criticizing yourself instead of doing what you want to do and this becomes a major distraction. You think about what you did wrong instead of what you were doing right. You think about what you should have done instead of the task at hand. You are pulled in many opposing directions and are lucky if you get back on track.

3. Self-criticism plays havoc with your mood, bringing up feelings of discouragement, anger at yourself and others, anxiety, and other unproductive feelings. It lowers your vibrational level as though you had pulled down the shade to obliterate the sunshine of your day, leaving you in murky, although perhaps familiar, shadows.

4. It turns your focus inward as the energy to enjoy productive work and play is deflected into the task of self indictment. This is not productive.

5. It robs you of much valuable energy each day, requiring inordinate amounts of recovery time to bring you back into equilibrium so you can feel at least moderately good about yourself once again.


What can you do about all this in a practical sense?

EFT to the rescue!

When you use EFT to foster self kindness this has a strangely freeing effect. It gently and firmly quiets the self-critical voice inside you — that voice we all have to some degree — as it buoys you up and allows you to move forward with what you do want to do.

When you "tap in" (i.e. install a positive by tapping on it) self kindness you immediately feel freed, buoyed up, relieved and supported. Your energy is now devoted to moving forward and is no longer focused on activity that drains you.

When you "tap in" self-kindness you can move forward with your work, your play, your life. Furthermore, you lose nothing by being kind to yourself. It is a win-win situation

Being kind to yourself doesn't use up energy, it replenishes it. In fact being kind to yourself actually increases your available energy beyond what it was before. And the positive vibrations you radiate are contagious — they are a joy to everyone and you can imagine the positive consequences of this!

In other words, being kind to yourself is not a form of self-indulgence. It is a highly practical way of behaving, a true step to success in whatever you are doing and a way to success in life.

So why aren’t we all kind to ourselves more often?

The block consists of our limiting beliefs, such beliefs as (and here I quote Janet's words):

     ●  l will lose my motivation if I’m too nice to myself. I won’t feel like doing anything.

     ●  I don’t know how to do it. The people I know don’t do this.

     ●  It’s going to be too hard. Maybe it’s impossible.

     ●  I don’t know what I’m doing. This sounds crazy to me.

     ●  I don’t know if this can help me. What’s the point?

Yours limiting belief may be different. I suggest you write down your own beliefs, then tap these beliefs down, one by one, using the Choices Method.

For example taking belief #1 for your setup phrase, you might say:

“Even though I'm afraid of loosing my motivation if I'm too nice to myself, I choose to experiment by letting myself off the hook for just 10 minutes and see how it feels."

Then follow by doing the Choices Method using one round of tapping on the negative statement above, beginning at the inner eyebrow spot by saying, "I'm afraid of losing my motivation — etc.”.  Do this for one whole round at each spot.

Then do one whole round of tapping using just the positive phrase "I choose to experiment by letting myself off the hook for just 10 minutes" – and see how this feels.

Then do the final round of tapping for what we call the Choices Trio, saying the negative phrase only on the first spot (your inner eyebrow) and the positive Choices phrase on the second tapping point, etc. and alternating the phrases at each tapping point throughout the round until you end up with the positive phrase on the top of your head (see the Choices Manual for detailed instructions).

Now note the clock time and try letting yourself off the hook for 10 minutes – allowing yourself to substitute positive phrases in your mind for your usual self criticisms-and consider this as freedom time for yourself.

Follow the same process with each one of your limiting beliefs using the Choices Trio on each one of them — and then watch what happens.

When you finish this exercise, do one round of just the positive Choices statement on each of the tapping points, and then install your positive statements by tapping on them any time of the day that you have a spare moment. For example, when waiting for a red light at a traffic intersection, or for an elevator to arrive. Just keep on tapping in a positive again — and watch what happens.

This is a powerful way to be kind to yourself and if it is supplemented with my self gratitude training class (see #4) you have a highly effective way of effecting self change.

I wish you an exciting experience of supporting your inner self in the weeks to come.

Warmly, Pat

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