|
Note From Pat Carrington
Do you like stories? Particularly if they're true and the tale is still unfolding?
Now I will tell you about Peggy� Peggy L. is a former client of mine who experienced some remarkable changes during the time she worked with me. She had a long way to go in her family relationships, but we "made it".
Here Is What Happened Peggy has a small and delightful family, two children and a husband to whom she is devoted, but she is also part of an extended family that could be clinically described as "enmeshed". That's an important term because it means that members of such a family cannot extricate themselves as individuals as they go about their adult lives. They are a "clan" so to speak, where brothers, sisters, parents and cousins do not act on their own in an emotional sense. They move as one and think as one. Have you ever known of such a family? There are many gradations of an enmeshed family and, in fact, every normal family possesses a few such characteristics, but Peggy's family is an extreme example of enmeshment. I encounter such pathological situations from time to time in my clinical practice. Helping a member of such a family to work through their enmeshment and come into their own, is one of the most liberating experiences that I have had the good fortune to experience with my clients. The unwritten "laws" of such a family are very exact. One must never consider one's own smaller (immediate) family FIRST, one's own needs must not be put before those of the extended family. Involvement in the usually intense drama of this family group is an absolute requirement, and critical incidents are almost continually created that keep everyone highly involved. In Peggy's instance, whenever one of the adult members of her "larger family" wanted to, they would wake any of the others at 3 AM (or whenever it was convenient to them) to report, for example, that their mother had been admitted again to the emergency room (even if she had by now been been sent home an hour later with an encouraging prognosis). Every family member, no matter whether they were handling a crisis in their individual family or not , was expected to take part immediately in every detailed move with and tiniest decision with respect to their parents -- with family members often duplicating each other's assistance needlessly. The same rules of constant involvement held true for every member of this family, extending to their many cousins. The family members seemingly could not make decisions by themselves. They could not move as separate entities except, at times, within their own individual families.
Why Peggy Came For Treatment Peggy came to counseling because she felt she wanted to be a more authentic person, better able to give full allegiance to her children and husband and only after that to the extended family, except of course in genuine emergencies. Above all she wanted to extricate herself from the unnecessary drama of the extended family, their exaggerations and accusations. It was extremely interesting as well as challenging to help Peggy work through what had been an impasse in her life. She needed to come to a place where she could listen to the tirades and accusations from her extended family members when she had not immediately rushed to the "emergency" rescue of her mother or father - who by the way were quite healthy and able to handle their own lives, although sometimes it seemed as if they did not recognize this. She felt it essential to remove herself once and for all from the influence of the drama and the false loyalties, in order that she could develop much more constructive loyalties. Before she started working on this problem using EFT, Peggy's family members were phoning her constantly and she had an almost knee-jerk response to their accusations that she was not being a "good daughter". As it happened, Peggy was a deeply responsive and caring daughter, but she could not stop the inner guilt which she would inevitably feel in the face of accusations by the other family members - that she was not carrying her weight because she did not have the kind of tireless "devotion" that they had. It was obvious that "urgent" phone calls from family members were constantly re-stimulating the problem for Peggy and that it was essential to help her to stand quietly - strong, dignified and friendly, in the face of this barrage. With my help, Peggy proceeded to use EFT and other highly potent energy psychology techniques for this problem.
How We Tackled This It was obvious that we would need to take a different approach than our ordinary tapping one . It would be necessary to "immunize" Peggy against both the subtle and obvious pressures that the family placed on her. The knee-jerk response had to stop. She must be able to stand back in the face of each and every attempted manipulation by family members, who themselves were quite blind to the process that they were caught in. Peggy agreed with me that it would actually be to the advantage of everyone in the family if she could stand as a beacon of calm, and respond with appropriateness, rather than be in the panic mode so prevalent in the rest of the family. This might actually be of great help to the other members. To accomplish this, Peggy and I engaged in a series of carefully planned role-playing sessions in which I imitated the voice tone and verbal expressions of some of her family members -- I can do that quite easily because I have an imitative capacity and she was able to describe to me how these people talked and behaved. In these role-playing episodes I would play "devil's advocate", as it were, confronting Peggy with the guilt-producing catch phrases that her family members used, the ones that upset her the most. Peggy systematically tapped while we recorded the sessions and then she played them back to herself at home. She tapped as she listened to the accusations. This way she neutralized them right on the spot, through the tapping.
The Results The effect of doing this was powerful. She soon found that she was able to listen to my voice-as-one-of-her-relatives "laying a guilt trip on her", and she could be calm and clear headed throughout the conversation and was able to think of excellent strategies to deal with the family member in question that did not involve either capitulation or unnecessary anger or upset at the other person. She was developing a calm sense of her own rights and an easy way of standing back gracefully, at a distance from the problem. When Peggy had been following this program for about a month, we saw remarkable results. She now found herself able to talk with her extended family members under highly stressful circumstances and even during those times when they were using all the strategies they had always used with each other to manipulate by means of guilt. She was no longer caught up in them. By using the tapes at home and consistently tapping with them, she had been set free. I'm still in contact with Peggy and what is happening is extremely gratifying. Other members of her extended family have begun to take courage from observing her and some of them are beginning to think along more rational lines, with less drama and a beginning of more real help for each other.
Why am I telling you this? It's because reason I decided that, short of cloning myself (which I'd love to be able to do, but somehow just can't!) I should be able to duplicate this kind of emotional immunization for anyone who is willing to do some tapping on their own while listening to recordings. This was the origin of my new Emotional Erasing technique and why I am presenting a teleseminar this week in which I will lead all those on the call a powerful tap-along depicting a relationship between a mother and her college age daughter. I will also be inviting at least two people from the audience to be demo subjects and have a chance to work with me as I play the role of a difficult family member of theirs (or another person with whom they have a close personal relationship). This will start those people's emotional immunization right there on the teleseminar. The sessions will be recorded and each person listening to the telecast will be able to play it back for themselves later on as often as they want to.
What will happen at the teleseminar? If you join us, you will be borrowing benefits from the person who is the demo subject, and your own subconscious will make the connection between your personal situation and that of this person. You will have begun your own immunization process! This will be a breakthrough session in many ways, and if you have any relationship problem that you want to change you can join me on Thursday for a true adventure in personal freedom.
HOW MUCH DOES THE TELESEMINAR COST? Admission is just $75 for this powerful 90 minute class (and you get the replays to listen to as often as you want) BUT � If you sign up within the next 4 days (before midnight on the day of the class - March 29) your cost of admission will be cut in half and you will pay only $37 for your seat!
This week's special offer: "Emotional Erasing for the Challenges of Close Relationships"
(Don't worry if you can't make the live telecast, you will get the replay if you are registered) To reserve your place:
or go to:
The inner changes that will take place this Thursday will be amazing! I hope you will join us. With best wishes, Pat
Would you like to ?
|
